Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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