Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
