The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
