Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
try to milk me bitch
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