i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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