Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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