yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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