If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I deserve this hangover.
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