Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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