weddingsv make me drug and hornr
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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