K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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