Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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