I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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