Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
