I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
