Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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