i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
