I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
