I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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