i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
