Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
