I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
