The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I queefed so loud it echoed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
