if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
