ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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