Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
