Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
