I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
