she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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