And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
