When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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