Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
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