Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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