Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
