Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
