You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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