I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
