Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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