A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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