we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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