I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
