My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
