he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
