He told me they were just razor bumps!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
