Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
