I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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