Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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