Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
