youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
