i was born a porn star she said
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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