the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
